Summer memories just hit different.

When the summer warmth hits you in a way that floods back a forgotten memory, it’s hard to pass on the nostalgia. As I cuddle with the puppy in bed, basking in the afternoon sun breaking through the curtains, the memory is vague and blurry and insignificant, but it feels so powerful when it comes over me.

Driving back from Gatineau, happy and tired after a day at the beach, my sister and I decide nothing would be better than fresh peaches from the farmer’s market. We loop the block and I jump out. My young nieces in the back of the car, thoroughly unimpressed and on the verge of a tantrum, I run to find the nearest, freshest, softest, juiciest peaches. All of the commotion and people around are just background, I’m on a mission. I grab the peaches and jump back in the car and we head back home.

It hits me like a punch to the gut — that moment is gone. All of the things that will never happen again come rushing at me: care-free summers in Ottawa, the awe of something new everyday, trips to the park with the girls, lazy days at Meech Lake, competing to swim out as far as we can, day dreaming about the future, sand-filled snacks on the beach, bike rides through the neighbourhood, museums and face painting. Children grow older, families break-up, and summers end. Gradually and then all at once; life changes.

I let myself bask in the nostalgia, the whistful grief, till I can’t stand it anymore. The pain of the moment doesn’t pass until I let out a uncontrollable “Ow!” and tears fall down my face. As we grow older, we seem to grow further from each other, we are left to our own thoughts, reminiscing on the past, wishing we could be that close again.

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