17 years later

I check my wrist watch for the sixth time in four minutes. My papa’s watch refuses to take more than a few steps at a time. It seems to pause and savour my discomfort of being stuck here. Gah! Why now of all times?

Weddings are difficult circumstances, just like war. I often steer clear of them to avoid hellfire missiles locked onto my ego. Sometimes they score a direct hit when they target the soft spots : life, love and religion.

Well, this time there was nobody to confront me about how I saw the world or so I thought. I was all alone at a friend’s wedding, and I haven’t seen her in two years. Imagine attending a wedding where you are the only one of the mutual friends attending .

I noticed someone familiar entering into the hall . It was my headmistress from kindergarten, and it’s been a long time since we spoke. My last conversation with her was when I was in 10th grade, I recall her asking me about where I’m headed for high school. That was seven years ago.

Teacher had a very different air to her, she seemed free and very peaceful. She had a beautiful black gown on and was the centre of the festivities. I mustered some courage to go and say hi, and reintroduce myself.

As the story goes : I was the kid that asked for his kindergarten teacher to graduate with him. She gave me an offer that was pretty hard for a 3 year old.

The offer : Trade in your car and you’d have your teacher graduate with you.

Ah! I loved cars, too much to part with them.

This was the first high risk- high reward negotiation in my life. Leveraging my 3 year old loquacity , we settled on a deal commensurate for the two parties.

The deal : A scaled down Hyundai Santro (2000 edition) in return for my teacher’s graduation — Fair enough!

After a brief re-introduction, she told me that she had retired and was still figuring out this new phase of her life. She asked me about what I was up to , and my plans for the future.

The questions weren’t too hard, I should say that my relatives have prepared me well for the world.

Before I could give her a cogent response, the master of ceremonies announced the entry of the bride and the groom.

Some of the family members passed around some cake and wine. And Yes, the wine was fantastic.

She broke the silence by telling me about the circle of life she’d observed over the course of her career :

She pauses as the master of ceremonies makes another announcement .Then she continues , a little loudly this time to drown out the surrounding noise.

I gulp down the wine , forgetting all about the toast and the wedding.

Goddammit! It’ll prove to be awkward to ask for another glass of wine. I decided not to and took leave from my teacher.

I go back to the dark corner and ruminate about what she’d said.

a)Are we the master of our own joy or suffering ?

b)Do we choose what to think or worry about ?

c)Are we deemed to a life of blindness and lack of insight?

One could quote a philosopher here and take a stance on free will of man. I don’t plan on doing that here. I’d instead like you to reflect about your take on the universe — to meditate on how <insert your name> has been constructed — mentally, emotionally & spiritually (for starters).

The question of determinism could prove to be recursive and unyielding . But with each iteration, you could understand the elements that lie at the heart of your constructed identity.

Thanks for taking the time to read this, have a fabulous 2019 ahead!

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