Notes From a Script Reader

In the late 1980s I was a Hollywood script reader. I worked for studios, independent producers and screenwriters willing to pay for professional “coverage.” Coverage included a one-sentence log line, a detailed story synopsis, commercial and critical analysis and an overall grade from A to F. I typically read a dozen scripts per week.

Most of the screenplays were atrocious, devoid of personal style or originality. Those were the days of Lethal Weapon and Die Hard. As a result, I read hundreds of cop thrillers with misunderstood detectives uttering absurd one-liners like, “You should have said please” or “Looks like he ordered his well done.” Whenever I encountered dialogue like, “Man, that’s some bad-ass shit” or “You are one bad muthafuckah,” I knew I was in for a long and painful read.

The worst screenplays were those with voluminous stage directions. I could always tell the amateurs by their inability to set up scenes in a concise and chiseled fashion. Instead of writing “A MAN, 30ish, fit, swims in the OCEAN,” bad scripts opted for something like: It’s a beautiful summer day. The sun glints off the rhythmic waves, the rough surf spilling onto the beach. SEAGULLS soar overhead, dancing in the wind as they search for fish. In the distance, we notice a MUSCULAR MAN propelling through the waves. His strokes are fluid as he glides through the foamy saltwater.

Beginning screenwriters suffered from the same malady. They believed screenplays were literature. They’re not. A screenplay is simply a blueprint for a movie to come (if the writer is lucky). Once the film is completed, the screenplay is most effective as kindling. Only film students and cinema buffs feel differently.

An average screenplay is around 120 pages. Comedies are shorter while thrillers are longer. Each script page translates roughly to one minute of film time. Producers love 90–100 page scripts since they mean shorter movies and lower production costs. This also translates to an extra showing per day in theaters yielding greater profits (assuming theaters survive).

Though all of this was common knowledge, I often came across scripts that were 150–180 pages in length. This made my job more tedious and difficult. I could usually tell by page two if the screenplay showed any promise. If the writer included Camera…

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